I love enneagrams, and I do realize that they aren't the end all be all, but I love how it has helped me understand myself a little better during this growth period in my life. Even if you believe there's only some truth in them, I still think something can be said for just feeling seen by others who are similar in number to you. Sometimes when I read things about others who identify as the same number as me, I have this moment where I can just exhale because someone else gets it and understands me. They have gone through some of the same spirals or irrational thinking. They have thought the same thought as me or have struggled with the same struggles. When you know that you aren't isolated by your experiences it can open so many doors to places and people you didn't even know were possible. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way because I know of several friends and other people I have come across that not only know their enneagram number but have researched them as well. However, I do have other friends that view them like they're a horoscope and they don't want to put much stock into them. Either way- it doesn't matter to me because my experience and my life aren't theirs. We are all entitled to our own opinions, and I personally love the enneagram and all I have learned from it.
My enneagram number is a two, which is known as the Helper. They are known as the caring interpersonal type and the enneagram institute uses words like generous, people-pleasing, possessive, and demonstrative to describe them. A two's deepest desire is to be loved, but their biggest fear is of being unwanted or unloved. They have a strong desire to be needed and appreciated and they enjoy expressing their feelings. I'm not sure that I could be any more of a two based on all of those simple explanations. In three sentences my entire being is given a definition. I might be exaggerating slightly, but honestly, that truly does sum me up in the simplest sense. On paper the definition of a two sounds like rainbows and sunshine, however, when they are unhealthy it can be not so great. I have seen this play out in my own life, specifically in my last relationship.
The Enneagram Institute states, "Average to unhealthy Twos seek validation of their worth by obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice themselves for others. They believe they must always put others first and be loving and unselfish if they want to get love. The problem is that “putting others first” makes Twos secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard to repress or deny. " For years, I felt like I had to earn his love and I fought tooth and nail to prove that I was worthy and lovable. And just like the quote says I did become angry and resentful at times because it felt like no matter what I did it was never enough. However, when I was finally able to get out of that unhealthy situation I was able to see how wrong that thought process was. Now that doesn't mean I am all of the sudden a perfect, healthy two because I still struggle with that thinking as my default. If I just do enough, say enough, love hard enough, then whoever will see that and in turn give me love and appreciation. I'm continually breaking myself of this habit, but I can attest that it is getting easier. I believe this is because I have taken the time to reflect on myself and all the choices I have made thus far in order to try and understand who I am. More importantly, though I have taken the time to turn to Jesus to discover who I am in Him and what He says about me.
While many people don't see the validity of the enneagram, I believe that reading about my type has really helped me begin to see maybe why I made some of the choices that I did or ones that I continue to make. I'm not saying I can use my type as an excuse, but it does help me see what I tend to lean towards when I'm feeling a certain way and it helps me give names to feelings and emotions that I may not have been able to identify prior. Like I said previously, this is not the end all be all, but if you had the chance to even attempt to understand yourself and your inner workings better, wouldn't you want that opportunity? I have also taken the time to read into other enneagram types, which I believe is helping me to understand how to interact with others in a more productive way. For example, I have several friends that are nines, and I know they definitely do not thrive off confrontation. Knowing this information can help me determine how to approach them in a way that won't make them feel attacked or ambushed if I have to discuss an issue with them. Your number doesn't define you or limit you, but I do believe it can provide interesting information about yourself that you may have never thought about.
I follow a couple different accounts on Instagram, and one of my favorites is @chalkandleaves and she shared this post a while back that really stuck with me.
Enneagram Two Reminders:
1) You are not responsible for everyone else's feelings.
2) Letting someone help you doesn't make you useless or less lovable.
3) You don't need praise or a "thank you" for your good acts to be good.
4) Carrying other people's emotions and stress won't make them better.
5) Taking a break does not make you selfish.
6)You don't have to do something just because someone asks you nicely.
7) You might need to step away from the situation to find clarity.
8) Canceling a plan to take care of yourself doesn't make you a bad friend.
9) Please remember to breathe.
As a two, I have had to learn that I won't get everyone's love and appreciation. I have to get to a place where God's love and appreciation are more than enough, and anyone else's is like the sprinkles on top of an ice cream sundae. I'm also learning that I'm not responsible for someone else's emotions. As much as the fixer in me wants to smooth everything over for each person I meet that's hurting - it just isn't feasible, no matter how hard I might try. I am only in control of myself and my actions, and I want to make sure that whatever I do is a reflection of Christ. God has created me this way, so I want to use my helper ways to bring glory to Him and Him alone. I don't need to be chasing after someone else's affections because it's not going to bring me the validation I desire. The only person that can do that is Jesus. I wasted so much time running towards all the wrong things, but how lucky am I that my God is a God of second and third and one hundred plus chances. I continue to see this truth play out as I read through Genesis and it blows me away how completely faithful God is to His people even when they didn't deserve it. He is a God of restoration, and He continues to restore me every single day.
So I'll wear my label as a 2 proudly, and continue to pray that God will shape and grow my tendencies to be used by Him. I'm going to lean into the fact that I love being there for others, but also recognize when I need to show up for myself. Boundaries can be hard because I hate disappointing people, however, sometimes they're necessary and important to set for my own sanity. I'm grateful for the way God has designed me, and I'm excited to see how He continues to push and change me into more of who He has called me to be.
PS: If you ever want to talk enneagram, I'm your girl.
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