Independence

So, I know that I have literally been the world's worst blogger these past few months, and I honestly don't have a good excuse for my laziness, but I am hoping I can get back on track this summer. A lot has happened since February. Like A LOT. I doubt that any of you actually want me to go into all the details, but in a nut shell: I am officially a senior in college, which is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I finished my first practicum with a Special Education classroom, and I loved every minute of it. It was definitely an experience that helped me remember why I want to become a teacher. I crossed the divide from being a teenager to an adult. I am officially the big 2-0. I took a big step in my personal life, and I am still trying to figure out if I made the right decision or not. That's to be decided for now. I am currently spending my first summer away from home, which I love but I think my parents are having trouble with. Understandably so because they now have the entire house to themselves, besides when Remy comes over to keep them company. 

It's definitely been a year of firsts so far.

I would like to say that I am living on my own this summer, but alas that is far from the truth. My wonderful and gracious cousins offered their basement to me, and I hopped on that offer because I knew that I did not want to spend my summer at home. Plus, I love my nanny job that I have up here, so I wanted to take advantage of being able to keep that over the summer. However, the flip side to all of that is I am bored out of my mind because I have nothing to do with my evenings. I am a good 10 to 20 minutes away from all my friends who are in this area, so driving to and from work plus driving to see friends can't be an every day thing otherwise gas will eat me alive. It stinks, but I'm trying to make the most of it! It really isn't that bad, but evenings do get a little lonely because I normally end up in bed by like 10 watching Netflix until I fall asleep. Lame, I know, but when you live in a smaller city your options are seriously limited. I savor the nights I meet up with friends because not to be dramatic, but it's like coming up for a breath of fresh air when I get to hang out with people my age. I mean I love myself, but even I get tired of me after so long. 

Anyways, I have thoroughly enjoyed this one step closer to independence so far, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't crave more. I would love to have my own place, but I know that I would also be so far under in debt I would be a mess. For now, I'll enjoy my little steps and be thankful that I am even able to stay up here this summer. I need to work on saving anyway because in less than a year I will be graduated and focusing on getting ready for my 12 weeks of student teaching. Then after that I will have to be getting a more serious job. Thinking about the future is no longer fun, instead it gives me ulcers. I mean yes I have so looked forward to being independent for so long now, but so much more comes with independence than I could imagine as I was growing up. Bills sucks. I hate them, and they always take away all my money. Living paycheck to paycheck is crappy, however it also makes life a little more exciting. I constantly have to ask myself how far can I stretch this dollar? So far, so good I guess because I'm not bankrupt or in debt, well until I start having to pay back my student loans, but I don't even want to think about that. 

My whole life I have looked forward to being on my own, but now that I am almost there I am realizing that it is great, but it's really not all it's cracked up to be. I mean I enjoy being 20, but sometimes it would be nice to just be a kid again and not have to worry about money or school or the future. Alas, there is no turning back time, and I have been constantly reminded lately that the day you are living in right now is the only one like it you'll ever have. Each day is unrepeatable, so we should make the most of it because we'll never get it back. Not to be morbid, but I'm not getting any younger, and I don't wanna look back in 20 years and wish I would have done something else with my time. Life is short, overall, and I want to waste any more than I have to. So independence, becoming an adult is my next step, and I want to embrace everything about it; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can't wait to see what my future has in store for me. 

Til Next Time.