Anytime I start to feel unhappy or unsatisfied while here in Europe I cannot help, but feel ridiculous because I remind myself that I am living in Europe, which is a once in a lifetime opportunity! How could my life really be that unsatisfactory when I am getting the chance to go and see all these places that I only dreamed about as a child? I do not feel like I really even have a valid reason to complain because I know that there are so many others that would kill to be in my position. And I also know how much went into getting me here, living in Germany, like I have dreamed about since I was 15. Sometimes it still blows my mind that it actually came true. That I have been living in Europe for the past two months; a country that is half way across the world from my own. It is a very surreal feeling, and I honestly experience it at least once a day, easily. All that being said, living here is not as perfect as I had imagined it to be.
For one, I miss my family like I never thought that I would. I miss my Dad's laugh and his goofy jokes and his hugs. I miss Cody and his sarcasm and his incessant need to pick on me because even though I am grown, I will always be the little sister. I miss Nathan especially because I felt like this summer we went from being big brother and little sister to actually being friends as siblings. Not that we were not before, but sibling dynamics always change when you get older. I miss Larissa and the fact that I could always call her because her counselor side would come out and coach me through situations that I felt completely lost in. Plus, I just really enjoy being around my sister. I miss my nephew, and I miss his small voice telling me to wake up every morning. I miss hearing his giggles, and I miss finding out which super hero he is for the day. I miss hearing him say my name, and I miss being able to wrap him up in my arms, even though most of the time he tried to crawl out of my hugs. I miss Heather, and I miss Will because they are great additions to our family, and I thank God that my siblings were able to find such fantastic people. Hopefully one day I will too :) And I miss my mom. A lot. Like way more than I expected. That woman is a special lady that is the glue to this family, and I think that most of my life I have taken that for granted. I can't promise that I have changed over night, but I know that when I go back to the states I will have an even greater appreciation for my family.
For another, sometimes it is just hard living here. I don't know the language very well if at all really, and I am with the same people over and over again. Now that is not to say that I do not love all of them a lot, but it gets to be like family where toes are stepped on and attitudes happen, and patience is needed. And I really miss not having to pay for bathrooms or having access to free water most of the time. I miss peanut butter and barbecue sauce, and I miss having transportation to go wherever and whenever I want. All of that makes me sound super American, but I am just being honest. I only have a little over a month left here, and I do not want to waste it by moping around or feeling homesick. I want to make the most of every opportunity that I have, and I want to enjoy it to the fullest. I fully believe that God has allowed me to have this experience for a reason that is still unknown to me. Whether it was to teach me patience, show me how to love others, or just to show me that maybe my dream of living overseas is not for me because I do not do so well being away from my family for so long. I have no idea what the reason is, I just firmly believe that there is one. It's preparing me for whatever is ahead in my future.
Now, I do not want any of you to think that I have not enjoyed my time here because believe me that when I say that I have, I HAVE. I love Europe, and I love traveling, and I love seeing new and exciting things. For whatever reason though I just really feel like I am waging a war because I have never been so up and down in my life, and I hate it. All of this to say that last night was a gift from God. I did not realize how much I missed corporate worship until I experienced it last night for the first time in 2 months. There is just something about coming together as a body of believers and bringing praise to our God. The moment we started singing I got the chills, and I felt this overwhelming sense of joy and peace. It was probably the first time all semester that I have truly felt that. We went to ICF Schaffhausen which is the church in the main city for their first ever worship night, and even though there was no English translation for us, I absolutely LOVED it. Most of the songs were in English, but there were a few in German or Swiss German. I did not experience a great moment of understanding the language like I was hoping to because I believe that God could make that happen, however I just felt a sense of being home. It was a night of recharging because I felt run ragged from having to be flexible all the time with this program, and I needed to get away and get some Jesus time. The whole night was only about two hours long, and after the service we were able to stick around and meet some people our age, which was really nice to be around others than our same group. And to be able to meet other Christians our age was even better. The whole night was like a breath of fresh air in my lungs, and I did not feel like I was drowning under a sea of homework or stress anymore. The presence of God was so prevalent in that building last night, and it was exactly where I needed to be.
The best thing about ICF is that they have services every sunday night at 19:00, and they have an English translation as well. So I have every intention of being there tomorrow night to hear the message and worship as well. I am so thankful to have found this place, and I plan on attending as much as I can before leaving to come back to the states. I only wish I would have been able to go sooner! I CANNOT wait to go back tomorrow night, and I am super pumped to see all the new friends I made as well. It definitely lifted my mood a million times over. God is working in me, and I am so thankful that He provided this opportunity in my life. Til Next Time.
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