Every year I choose a word that I feel the Lord has placed on my heart. Usually, I know it prior to the first of the year, but this year was different. I was drawing blanks on what I wanted it to be or what I thought it should be, so I started to think that maybe I wouldn't have one at all. I don't know why I ever doubt God or why I ever think that He won't show up because as history would have it in my life - He always does. And in this case He absolutely did.
The first weekend of the new year I kept coming across different forms of the word expectant. I heard it in a podcast, listened to it being used in a sermon, a friend used it when giving me a pep talk, and the list goes on. I didn't think it was random that this word kept popping up in my life. So I spoke it into existence: "This year my word is expectant." And then if I'm being honest, I forgot about it. Usually I write a post about my word of the year, and in my defense, I did start this post weeks ago. I just never finished it. I got consumed with other things in my life and forgot about it. I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm finishing it up now. When I first began writing this, I was in a different headspace and spot in my life. I saw things playing out differently, and when a path was paved outside of what I expected I was thrown for a loop. I hadn't thought about my word of the year or how the Lord was going to use it in my life until things changed.
It's one thing to be expectant when things are going your way. It's an entirely different choice when things feel like they don't make sense. According to Dictionary.com, expectant means "having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, especially something pleasant and interesting." Who wouldn't want to live life this way? I would love to walk around always believing that something awesome is about to happen, but how do you do that when your dreams and desires feel out of reach? How do you stay expectant when you're carrying around so many disappointments? If any of you have a quick fix answer to that, please let me know because I would love to have it figured out. Unfortuantely, in my experience, this is not how life or the Lord operates. I have learned though that one way to live expectant of the Lord and His goodness is by shifting your perspective.
For me, it is super easy to see all the ways things have gone wrong or aren't going like I expected. It's hard to find the joy when I don't understand what He's doing. I'm guilty of living in a scarcity mentality of His faithfulness. This fear that when things don't pan out that nothing ever can again. Let me just tell you - that's stupid. I continue to learn that life is what you make of it. I can choose to see all the ways that I am blessed or I can choose to look at all the ways I think I'm not. I don't think anyone wants to dwell on disappointments, but I think it's safe to say that most of us do. Why is it so easy to prolong and stay focused on those negative thoughts rather than the positive ones? Why is it that a setback can consume your mind, but an answered prayer feels like a blip of thankfulness? Or maybe that's just me. All I know is that I tend to give more time and power to the events and people that cause hurt versus those that bring about healing and acceptance. This is where I believe that a perspective shift has to happen. It needs to become my default when those moments of bitterness creep in. I say this because in my experience, the fruit that comes from life's let downs is always significantly better than anything I could have asked for myself. I have countless stories of the Lord using my past pains to bring about something greater. All of those moments have taught me something about myself and have shaped me into the woman that I am today. That alone should be reason enough to live life expectantly. And yet I find myself falling into the same silly cycle of doubt and frustration.
In Psalm 5:3, David says "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly." Did you catch that? "wait expectantly" Key word: wait. Choosing to live life believing that something amazing is going to happen doesn't occur without that very important verb. I'm learning that I can be expectant that the Lord is going to do something incredible in my life, while also giving space for my current feelings, even if they're negative. I mean if you look at the verses prior to this, David is groaning before the Lord and crying out for help. And we call him the man after God's own heart. I think this is the main reason why he is one of my favorite bible characters. The dude is as emotional as me, so I can relate to him. The Lord never negates any of our feelings and He welcomes them, but what we have to be careful of is how much we let our feelings control our actions. I get to decide how much time I spend on them or much much mental space I give them. I control that. I am not helpless nor do I want to behave that way.
So here I am still learning and growing with the same idea that I can be bummed that life doesn't look like what I thought, but at the same time I can be expectant that the Lord is far from done with me. Expectant of the Lord is exactly how I want to live out 2022. I want to be present in each moment I'm given, but be able to look forward with this excitement and belief that He is going to do something great even if it takes going through the weeds first. How different would my life look if I chose to live in expectation of His goodness because I know He is faithful and He is a promise keeper. If I could shift my perspective and live in a space of expectancy and believe that He is and always has been working for my good. My lows wouldn't have to be so crippling, and my highs could serve as reminders that He is exactly who He says He is.
We may already be 1/4 of the way through the year (insane), and this may be considered a little late in posting, but I still have 3/4 of 2022 left. I don't want to waste another moment living like I don't serve a good and just God. I choose to live expectant that He knows me better than I know myself and the best is yet to come.
